Oh Crud Muffins! (They’re a Thing)

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I have to admit that I’m a little bit apprehensive to tell you all about these for fear that you might realize how nuts I am and not want to be friends anymore. If you think this is even remotely possible then you should go straight to one of my more level-headed recipes, like that salad from last week, and we’ll pretend this never happened, okay?

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (6) Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (3) Do you know anyone who uses “Crud Muffins” as their mild interjection of choice, or perhaps do you yourself say it?Occasionally my sister or I do. I mostly try to keep anything I say very G-rated (hey, there’s kids around) and not use any form of oath. I also hate when a director ruins a great family movie by throwing in a ton of foul language, like really, is that necessary? However, sometimes that moment when you stub your toe really, really hard or remember that you forgot to pack your toothbrush, you can’t help verbalizing something, you know? “Crud muffins” is one that I don’t see as being offensive to anyone so I catch myself using it or something close. Sophie, my 6-year-old sis, said “Oh my cow” the other day and we all decided that this is probably the least offensive variation of any similar ones we’ve ever heard. I might start using that one instead.

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (5) Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) So, this post is proof that my sister, Yaya, and I should never put our heads together on things like this. “Yaya” is her nickname by the way, one that I gave her before my baby mouth could pronounce the word Olivia. I’m pretty sure it started out closer to a “yih yah” and evolved into Yaya.  Now most my family refers to her as Yaya in a very endearing way, even her husband sometimes (which I can’t help finding kind of humorous).

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (2) Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (4) Anyway, her and I were talking a while ago, about what I should create next, and during our conversation she dropped something on the floor and said “Crud muffins!”. And that was it, we decided then and there that I had to make them. Of course, this then posed the question of, what exactly is a crud muffin? So I’ve been thinking about it and I finally realized that a crud muffin should be a recipe that you use to help clear out the crud in your kitchen that has no other particular usage.

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (11) Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (9) I.e. things like that last pesky cup of almost freezer-burnt ice cream that doesn’t look like much until you scrape it out (which everyone is too lazy to do), or the partially eaten candy bar that won’t disappear because no one knows its origin, in my case an almond Toblerone that had been melted and re-solidified one too many times. Then there’s the crumbled, salty goods at the bottom of the bag of chips or pretzels that always seem to be overlooked and classified as trash, or the leftovers from that last batch of homemade marshmallows (that one’s probably just me). If you bake a lot you may have some egg yolks hanging around in the fridge from that white cake or meringue you just made, and if there are guys within a 10 mile radius you just might have some of my personal favorite sneaked-in ingredient, bacon grease! Do you think I’m crazy yet, ’cause I won’t blame you if you do? I already know I’m a little crazy, but a little eccentricity makes life more bearable, don’t you think?

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (10) Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (8) I’m sure there are many ways that you could interpret what a crud muffin is, this is just my version. They certainly ended up having a very unique look to them. but I love em. The taste and texture are like an adventure in your mouth. There’s the soft cakey part filled with little pools of melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow (although my homemade marshmallows tend to be more candied than the 500-preservative-infused ones). The salty, crunchy crumb topping is the best part though, filled with pretzel bits and potato chip pieces mixed with a butter streusel that has that little extra somethin’ somethin’ from the bacon grease! You’ve just gotta do it to understand the awesomeness!

Oh Crud Muffins! (They're a Thing) (7)

Oh Crud Muffins! (They’re a Thing)

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 40 minutes

Total Time: 55 minutes

Yield: 18 - 20 muffins

Oh Crud Muffins! (They’re a Thing)


    Muffin Batter:
  • 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
  • 2/3 cup sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/2 cup, about 8, egg yolks (or 3 whole eggs)
  • 1 cup melted ice cream, any flavor (use your own judgment on flavors, anything vanilla or chocolate based should be good, but I'd probably hold off one like cotton candy or peppermint.)
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 1/3 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 cup mini-marshmallows (I used homemade
  • 2/3 - 1 cup chopped candy bar pieces or chocolate chips
  • Crumb Topping:
  • 1/3 cup butter (around 6 tablespoons), softened
  • 3 tablespoons bacon grease (or more butter if you're boring)
  • 1 cup brown sugar, packed
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1 cup crumble potato chips
  • 1 cup crushed pretzel pieces


  1. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F (180 C) and line 2 muffin pans with 18 to 20 paper liners.
  2. Whisk together butter, sugar, salt, and baking powder until smooth. Add egg yolks, melted ice cream
  3. milk, and vanilla and stir to combine. Add flour, then stir in marshmallows and candy bar pieces.
  4. Divide the batter into cups and bake for about 10 minutes.
  5. While those bake, mix butter, bacon grease, and sugar, vanilla, and salt together in a medium bowl until combined. Add flour and mix until it forms a dough, then stir in chips and pretzels. Remove pans from the oven after 10 minutes and sprinkle the crumb topping over each one (I piled it pretty high.) Return pans to oven and bake for 25 to 30 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean.

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